My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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