that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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