And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
