the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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