I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
