There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I don't think brook has ever known best
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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