What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
