My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is her dick bigger than yours?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize