this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
