saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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