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Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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