I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
