she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
