I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
