A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize