I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
