i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
