He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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