i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
