i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
