Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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