when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
