Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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