I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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