Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I have fence marks all over my body
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize