The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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