I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
