with your own penis?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
