we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
