One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
