Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
