i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
