I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
