if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Randomize
