I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
