But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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