The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
