I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
