You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
