I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
