Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
