Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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