he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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