Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
two words...techno handjob
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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