mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I need to wash the frat house off of me
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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