How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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