i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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