living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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