so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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