Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
