the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
