Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
