I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
