ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
