Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
