I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
