Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The adults are the big ones right?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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