Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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