Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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