In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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