Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
