never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
