she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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