Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
