Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
