I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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